Where Do We Stand?
by dantesdarkqueen
Summary: She knows he doesn't love Aerith. But he's so hard to read, she has no idea what she is to him anymore. "Tell me what I'm supposed to think, Cloud. Let me know what I am to you..." Yet another character monologue by dantesdarkqueen.


**Summary: **She knows he doesn't love Aerith. But he's so hard to read, she has no idea what she is to him anymore. "Tell me what I'm supposed to think, Cloud. Let me know what I am to you..."

**Disclaimer: **If I owned it, that ring on Tifa's finger in Advent Children would be a wedding band. 'Nuff said.

**Queen's Quornor: **I was playing through FFVII last night, and the thought suddenly came to mind that Cloud and Tifa haven't really gone anywhere in their relationship since the end of the game. There I was guiding Tifa through Blondie's subconscious, and it hit me like a thunderbolt: two years later, she _still _doesn't know how he feels about her. To me, it seems pretty clear that he has a thing for her (I've written an essay for it on the forums and on my Facebook page), but he's too afraid to actually come out and tell her. Hence why he turned to Aerith in Advent Children: Cloud felt more secure in pretending to love someone who couldn't love him back (since she's dead and all...), somebody he couldn't hurt when he finally died. But he got his senses back at the end of the movie; you can see it in his eyes when he looks at Tifa. Anyway, Tifa just started talking in my head, and this was the result.

Where Do We Stand?

_Nobody knows you better than me. None of our friends can understand you as well as I._

_But I can't read you at all on this. _

_It was all so clear to me once, how you felt about me. You never said a word, but words aren't the only way to tell someone how you feel. I told you that once before, remember? That night beneath the _Highwind?

_You made it very clear how you felt. I'm surprised nobody noticed that I couldn't kick as high the next day, or that I winced whenever I ran. Maybe they did notice. If they did, I'm grateful they didn't say anything. Seasoned as I am, I don't think I could have kept a straight face if Yuffie or Cid asked why I was walking a little more delicately than usual._

_That was my first time. That night, with you. It wasn't that I didn't have previous opportunities to lose my virginity. All of my old guy friends in Nibelheim weren't above feeling me up when they thought I wasn't looking. Before they all left, I mean. And being a bartender, especially in the slums, you learn how to 'discourage' men who get too friendly. _

_You were the only one who didn't try to get into my shorts, or look up my skirt. You were the only man that I could hold a conversation and maintain actual eye contact with at the same time, rather than distract away from my cleavage. I think that's why I remembered you, and not the other guys. You were always getting into fights with them, but you were never anything but nice to me. Polite, even. You never stared at my body, or made really obvious gestures when I wasn't paying attention. You weren't like the other guys, and I liked that. You made me feel special. _

_Jesse told me more than once that I was pretty enough to get any man I wanted. But I didn't want just any man. _

_That night, I had the one I wanted. You were the one I had been saving myself for, Cloud. You. _

_But since then, things have changed. You've pulled away from me, and I don't know why. I thought your Geostigma was the reason, that you didn't want me to know you were dying, but you got better. I thought you would go back to the way you were after Meteorfall, when you would pull me into a hug for no reason at all, or hold me after a long delivery. There were times when I'd come into the office to tell you dinner was ready or something, and you'd just reach out and grab my hand, rubbing your thumb over the ring you gave me while you finished whatever you were doing. You used to just sit at the bar and watch me, sometimes. I'd be mixing drinks or cleaning glasses, and glance up to see your beautiful eyes following me, as if I was the only thing in the world that mattered. _

_Why did you stop? I understood your reasons for leaving me and the kids during the Geostigma crisis, but that's over now. It's been almost a year, and I still have yet to feel your eyes on me while I work. It drives me crazy sometimes, feeling as if I can't touch you while you're _right there_, so close that I can feel the heat of your skin. And it's not just that; you're right next door to me, and some nights I want to cry because I want you beside me again. I miss falling asleep in your arms, curled tight against your body. _

_I never felt safer than I did in your embrace. _

_I want things to go back to the way they were before, but it's like the old wall is back between us; you're so close, and yet so far away from me. I want to ask what's wrong, but I don't know how. Whenever I try to bring up the subject, my mind goes blank and I can't even remember what I was going to say. _

_There has never been anything we couldn't fight together, _win_ together. But I can't fight this. I can't fight _you. _I love you so much, and I thought you loved me too. _

_Why don't you tell me anymore, without words? _

_Three years ago, there were several things keeping us apart. There was the fact that you didn't know who you were. There was the fear of rejection on my part. There was the journey itself - we weren't always in the same place at the same time, remember? - and our friends. _

_And there was Aerith. _

_I know she had a crush on you back then. She wasn't exactly subtle about it. When the three of us were in the Temple of the Ancients and she asked Cait Sith to predict how compatible the two of you were... _

_That was the closest I ever came to crying in front of you. _

_But I know you didn't love her. You even said it yourself, after you started the delivery service. Remember? Marlene asked you about it when she was helping you decide which pictures to put up in your office. And you said that Zack was the one who loved Aerith, not you. _

_You said there was somebody else you loved, long before you met Aerith. _

_Anyway, none of those factors are here anymore. You found yourself again - I helped, remember? - we're staying in the same place, there's nobody to hunt down and kill, and our friends are more occupied with their own lives than ours now. Well, there are the kids here, but the presence of a child in the house never stopped you before. So why have you pulled away?_

_Why have we gone back to square one, when we were doing so well before? _

_Just tell me, Cloud. Talk to me. I have to know. I want to understand. _

_What am I to you? What do you want me to be? What happened to _us?

_Just tell me where we stand. _


End file.
